Monday, May 7, 2007

ENEMY OF THE NATION #1: Clemens runs back home to Momma

I grew up idolizing this stubble-faced moron to the left. If my little league team had a jersey with 21 on it, come hell or high water, it would have been mine. I ruined the siding of my house throwing pitches against the house (although aiming for the 2.5 feet of concrete on the bottom) pretending I was Rocket. When the Sox let him go, it was devastating to me. It seemed coincidental that he ended up in pinstripes...he got to NY via a trade. When he 'retired' in after '03, he seemed to want to not be a Yankee, and his dwindling performance and desire to be with his kids seemed to get the best of his indominable, competitive spirit. When he signed with the Astros during the '03-04 offseason, there was much speculation as to why: family, home, and Texas pride. I, however, knew the real reason. He couldn't stand those pinstripes. He came up through the Sox system, and would have remained in beantown had Dan fetching Duquette not run him out.

Now it is clear: I was delusional. He re-signed with the Evil Empire for 18 million dollars. He passed up on the chance to get a guaranteed World Series victory in Boston, or go help the sub-.500 Yankees. What a schmuck. So he sells his soul to the devil himself, and his poker face vanishes--replaced by a bedeviling, greedy, grin...revealing the pinstripes that are imbedded on his very soul.

Screw you Clemens. Take your 18 Million dollars and your exit from the postseason in the ALDS and shove it!

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